Warning: This post will discuss grief/mourning, illness, depression, and cancer. Thank you.

I haven't meant to be gone for so long. Life has been nothing but headaches, and the sensation of rolling over in bed when you're too tired to rise but too awake to sleep.

I miss my grandfather deeply. I wish I could still go and see him, and I wish he were still alive. But he died well and quickly, which is what he wanted. Never to linger, to go and be gone and done with it. So, he got what he wanted, in the end. And as tragic as it is, I'm glad he didn't linger. I think about him often. I've inherited a lot of his old belongings, including a laptop I intend to make full use of when I go back to college, many clothes, belts he made himself, and all manner of things. I guess that's one good thing out of this ordeal.

In recent months, I've struggled heavily with my depression. I've always had it, that dark cloud in my chest that spreads throughout my body at random intervals. But this time, it has cause, it has reason, and I've been trying to ignore it and work through it on my own. It's not been easy, but I'll make it.

I guess I should get to one of the main topics here. One of my other relatives passed away, as well, and another was diagnosed with cancer. So, that's definitely been weighing on my mind. This year has overall been hell, and I can't wait for 2023 to be over. The one who passed, I wasn't close with. The one with cancer, I care deeply about, even if we're not the closest in the world. It's fucking disastrous, how much a family can go through in five months.

To get through it all, I've been playing Skyrim almost nonstop on some occasions, and writing about it and drawing art for it when I don't feel like playing. I've developed a fairly long fanfiction that I'm working on, and I hope it goes well enough. I like to write, and I enjoy putting the pieces together of how these characters' narratives fit with one another. I guess that's one positive thing.

Take care. I want to be here more often, but things have been hectic, as you know. I love you. Stay safe.